First 30 Pages of Chapter 3

I have finally read the first 30 pages of chapter 3 of Palin’s book & it is just as genuinely terrible as the previous sections. In this section, we read about Palin’s gubernatorial campaign, the beginning of her term & how Barack Obama stole the campaign slogan of “Change.”

Palin decides to run for office & even a Democrat, John Reeves, supports her, as “he was sick and tired of backdoor deals between politicians and special interests, especially the oil companies.” (108) Here is where Palin loses me somewhat—she goes on & on about how she is so pro-big business & corporation, but then talks about how she wishes to take down the special interest groups. She writes, “I talked about the potential Alaska had if we unshackled the private sector.” (109) Which is it Sarah: protect big business with policies that favor them or govern them?

On page 110, Palin writes, “I found my underdog status and the outside label quite liberating.” Well, duh. If she loses, it’s because she had no support. She doesn’t have to claim any responsibility in that case. If she wins, it’s because she’s such a maverick-y rogue & people want her brand of change.

Palin complains more about ethics saying, “the minute you start campaigning on ethics reform, critics start trolling to see what kind of dirt you’ve got under your fingernails.” (112) Well, no shit Sarah. I don’t want someone without any sense of ethic telling ME how to live my life ethically. I don’t understand this conservative belief that they can drone on & on about ethics and family values, but once they do something wrong (see: Carrie Prejean’s sex tapes), they are being unfairly attacked. No, you aren’t. If you set yourself up as a moral crusader, you best have a fucking clean house. There is no better schaudenfreude than taking down a hypocrite.

Palin’s “campaign theme of ‘change’ was palpable and sincere, and we walked the walk every day of the race.” (112) Wait, what? Did Barack Obama STEAL her campaign theme? She writes further:

Every part of our campaign shouted “Change!” a change in campaign financing: we ran on small donations from all over the state, mostly from first-time political donors, and we turned back some large checks from big donors if we perceived conflict of interest. A change from photo-op stops to honest conversations with actual voters. A change from emphaisizing politics to emphasizing people. A change from smooth talk to straight talk—even then.

We were amused a coupld of years later when Barack Obama—one of whose senior advisors (come to think of it) had roots in Alaska—adopted the same theme. Kris and I joked about it: “Hey! We were change when change wasn’t cool! (114)

I cannot believe Barack Obama had to stoop so low as to STEAL Sarah Palin’s campaign theme. Couldn’t he come up with anything by himself.

Also, for Palin to claim she was running a grassroots, small campaign is laughable. According to followthemoney.org, she & Parnell raised $872,042, the 3^rd highest amount for that race that year. In fact, if I combine what the campaign made, what she made & what Parnell raised, it’s a whopping $1,524,541. Since when is $1.5 million a small amount? She raised $29,105 from lobbyists, $69,755 from other public officials (thought she was an outsider) & $10,550 from oil & gas. I thought she didn’t take money from special interest groups who might want to influence her?

On the next page, Palin discusses how she is unfairly grilled about an important issue, as being a politician is about winking & saying “gosh darn it,” not answering the hard questions. The reporter asks her a series of hypotheticals about abortion & she says again & again that she would choose life—no matter what. Rape, teenagers, etc. Palin complains that she “calmly repeated my answers to all of his ‘what-ifs,’ then looked pointedly to my right and my left, to one opponent, then to the other. Then I returned to the moderator and said, ‘I’m confident you’ll be asking the other candidates these same questions, right?’ Of course, he didn’t.” (116) Well, Sarah, maybe the other candidates don’t have such horrific views on abortion & therefore, don’t need to be grilled like you do. I’m sorry that you find actually being asked questions and expected to answer so horrifying. Maybe the moderator had low self-esteem?

Palin also talks about how she used her family to run for governor. “I ran a few upbeat commercials that featured my family and Alaska’s natural beauty.” (119) Again, don’t think that you can use your young children in politics & it won’t be noticed. Maybe the reason so many cheap shots are taken at poor Bristol is that YOU PUT HER OUT THERE SO MUCH! You couldn’t take a lesson from the Clintons & leave your children out of your campaigning?

Palin writes about her mavericky take on the inauguration in Fairbanks at an arena where hockey is played. Palin says, “Alaskans, hold me accountable, and right back at you!” (123) Funny how actually being held accountable was way too much for Sarah & she becomes buried under a mountain of ethics complaints & eventually has to quit.

A really funny part comes when she writes that “our state Constitution stipulates that the citizens actually own our natural resources.” (126) Hmm…a definition from dictionary.com: a theory or system of social organization based on the holding of all property in common, actual ownership being ascribed to the community as a whole or to the state. Special prize to anyone who can tell me what word that is defining.

We get some more Alaska masturbation as to how beautiful & amazing Alaska is.

Then the fun part comes: Sarah Palin’s philosophy on eating meat: “If any vegans came over for dinner, I could whip up a salad, then explain to them my philosophy on being a carnivore: If God had not intended for us to eat animals, how come He made them out of meat?” (133) As Amanda Marcotte so succinctly put it, “I’m forced to conclude that Sarah Palin supports cannibalism. If god hadn’t wanted us to eat our fellow human beings, he wouldn’t have made us out of meat.”

Palin attacks Ashley Judd for making this ad protecting wolves:

Palin writes “one animal rights group recruited a perky, pretty celebrity to attack our scientifically controlled, state-managed wolf-control program. It was ironic that she opposed using guns to kill predators, but apparently not opposed to taking movie roles in which she’d use guns to kill predatory people.” (134) So many things to refute in one small sentence. Where to begin? (1) I thought science was dangerous & Jesus hated it. God created guns to kill animals & helicopters to shot them out of, duh. (2) Judd seems to be more upset in the video by the way that the wolves are shot—incredibly cruelly than at the fact that they are shot. And they also question Palin’s motivations for supporting such a program. Palin’s spokesperson says it’s about feeding hungry Alaskans. If that is true, “why are sport hunter groups the biggest advocates of aerial hunting as opposed to advocates for the poor or hungry?” Eyeonpalin further wrote: “Governor Palin is an active promoter of Alaska's aerial hunting program whereby wolves are shot from the air or chased by airplanes to the point of exhaustion before the pilot lands the plane and a gunner shoots the animals point blank.” I come from a family of hunters & the one thing that they stress the most is that you (1) learn to shot the animals in a spot that minimizes pain & (2) you use every piece of the animal you can. These wolves are being hunted for sport—not food. And (3) the bad guys Ashley Judd is killing in her movies ARE NOT REAL. The wolves that are being shot are. Does someone need to explain to Palin the word “fiction?”

We also learn of how Willow inherited some of her mother’s rogue-ish behavior by sneaking her puppy into her mother’s office. This caused the Senate Rules Committee chairman to send Palin a letter with a citation, as that was against the rules. Poor Sarah. Everyone is always picking on her. Of course, Sarah has to go after this person, writing, “heaven forbid any lawmaker would catch Willow carrying her four-pound puppy into my office in violation of the new NO DOGS ALLOWED sign. (Surely just a small distraction for this senator—he was later busted by the FBI and convicted on federal corruption charges.”) (137) Of course, Palin does not bother naming the person, and of course, anyone who dares mess with Sarah Palin will not be forgotten or forgiven & will be written about for posterity.

Up next: the next 30 pages of this 100+ chapter.